Thursday, August 28, 2008
Thursday's SUCK
TIT CURTAINS
Are you pregnant?
What's that, you say? Yes? Then I refer you to Motherhood.com. Otherwise, dear reader, read on!
Now...let's try this again; I'll ask it in a different form:
Not pregnant?
Did you say yes? Fantastic! THEN STOP WEARING GODDAMN DRESSES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK PREGNANT.
This is an absolutely absurd trend. It is often stereotyped that women are overly concerned with their physical appearance and whether or not they "look fat".
Well, let's clear something up once and for all: if you wear something that is tight under your boobs, and then flows freely from there and is not a black dress, yes, YOU LOOK PREGNANT. This is not a debatable question. Yeah, great, you're accentuating a good area - boobs - but you're also leaving it up to the wind to decide how big your stomach looks. The wind is not kind. The wind is a cruel motherfucker. Did you see what the wind did to New Orleans? If the wind has no respect for cajun food, it certainly has no respect for the apparent size of your unborn child.
Do you really want the blonde Russian bitch from Captain Planet deciding what trimester you're in that day? Please keep in mind that she was a jealous whore. First of all, she took a back seat to Earth and Fire; need I remind you that Earth was represented by a minority and Fire by a ginger? Clearly, Wind, jealous of the United States' superior weaponry displayed during the Cold War, and pissed that two oppressed people came before her in the listing of elements that composed Captain Planet, was a bastion of jealously. She clung to a group of individual parts that formed a whole; could this more perfectly parallel the split of the USSR and her need to be a part of something any more than it does? Absolutely not. Additionally, her appearance was at the mercy of her animators. Should they decide one day to break out the template for Fat Albert and throw on some blonde hair, Captain Planet could be composed of Earth, Fire, Super Huge Slow Ass Wind, Water, and Heart. I think you get my point.
For clarity: I don't really have a problem with the way these "dresses" look. I mean, yeah, they look retarded. It really does look like you decided to get blinds for your windows and thought hey, why should I waste this fabric? I'll fuckin' cover my tits in it! Who cares if it looks like a hot air ballon is flowing from under my bosom!? But I don't think it makes girls look bad. It just makes them look like the Virgin Mary, who, I might remind you, was pregnant despite parading around as a virgin. As an aside, I wish such absurd events occurred in today's society:
Ad infinitum.
Anyway, my point remains that any apparel which makes one resemble household decor is usually frowned upon. I've never seen anyone wearing a lampshade or shag carpet as a shirt or dress. So unless you've been knocked up by someone, raped by God, or sat on the wrong toilet seat lately, stop wearing these shitty dresses.
They suck.
Are you pregnant?
What's that, you say? Yes? Then I refer you to Motherhood.com. Otherwise, dear reader, read on!
Now...let's try this again; I'll ask it in a different form:
Not pregnant?
Did you say yes? Fantastic! THEN STOP WEARING GODDAMN DRESSES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK PREGNANT.
This is an absolutely absurd trend. It is often stereotyped that women are overly concerned with their physical appearance and whether or not they "look fat".
Well, let's clear something up once and for all: if you wear something that is tight under your boobs, and then flows freely from there and is not a black dress, yes, YOU LOOK PREGNANT. This is not a debatable question. Yeah, great, you're accentuating a good area - boobs - but you're also leaving it up to the wind to decide how big your stomach looks. The wind is not kind. The wind is a cruel motherfucker. Did you see what the wind did to New Orleans? If the wind has no respect for cajun food, it certainly has no respect for the apparent size of your unborn child.
Do you really want the blonde Russian bitch from Captain Planet deciding what trimester you're in that day? Please keep in mind that she was a jealous whore. First of all, she took a back seat to Earth and Fire; need I remind you that Earth was represented by a minority and Fire by a ginger? Clearly, Wind, jealous of the United States' superior weaponry displayed during the Cold War, and pissed that two oppressed people came before her in the listing of elements that composed Captain Planet, was a bastion of jealously. She clung to a group of individual parts that formed a whole; could this more perfectly parallel the split of the USSR and her need to be a part of something any more than it does? Absolutely not. Additionally, her appearance was at the mercy of her animators. Should they decide one day to break out the template for Fat Albert and throw on some blonde hair, Captain Planet could be composed of Earth, Fire, Super Huge Slow Ass Wind, Water, and Heart. I think you get my point.
Don't put yourself at the mercy of Linka.
For clarity: I don't really have a problem with the way these "dresses" look. I mean, yeah, they look retarded. It really does look like you decided to get blinds for your windows and thought hey, why should I waste this fabric? I'll fuckin' cover my tits in it! Who cares if it looks like a hot air ballon is flowing from under my bosom!? But I don't think it makes girls look bad. It just makes them look like the Virgin Mary, who, I might remind you, was pregnant despite parading around as a virgin. As an aside, I wish such absurd events occurred in today's society:
e|_izaB3Th77: hey mary saw u 2day u looked kinda fat
guadalupEYchik: lol shut up...
e|_izaB3Th77: no srsly, wuts going on???
guadalupEYchik: wel im pregnent
e|_izaB3Th77: no way!!!!!!!! wat r u n joseph gunna do?
guadalupEYchik: hes not the dad
e|_izaB3Th77: lol u slut!! who is???
guadalupEYchik: god
e|_izaB3Th77: lol ok right
guadalupEYchik: no im serius. and im still a virgin
e|_izaB3Th77: wtf ur crazy. wut did joseph say when u told him???
guadalupEYchik: he wants 2 go on maury cuz he doesnt beleive me
Ad infinitum.
Anyway, my point remains that any apparel which makes one resemble household decor is usually frowned upon. I've never seen anyone wearing a lampshade or shag carpet as a shirt or dress. So unless you've been knocked up by someone, raped by God, or sat on the wrong toilet seat lately, stop wearing these shitty dresses.
They suck.
# posted by Joey : 12:50 AM
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