Thursday, August 21, 2008
Thursday's SUCK
PEOPLE WAVING FROM AFAR
So you're just standing there, talking to one of your friends between classes, when you notice something out of the corner of your eye.
Somebody is waving to you! Oh, the joy. Do I know this person? Wait, she's hot...do I care if I know her? You begin to smile, and start to raise your hand to wave back. You begin your waving motion. The initial waver continues her potentially flirtatious advance. By now, you have fully committed to waving back at this person. Slightly befuddled by her lack of immediate response, you offer what is always a 100% accurate way of determining whether or not someone is actually waving at you: The Clarification Poke. If you're unfamiliar with this technique, it is a rather simple maneuver that involves you poking yourself in the chest with an inquisitive look on your face, essentially asking, "Am I important enough for you, random person, to be waving at me?"
Clearly the answer is no. The Clarification Poke merely clarifies that you are a pompous moron, and that you just made yourself look like a douchebag. It is always 100% accurate in determining that the person you saw was not waving to you. During The Clarification Poke, you usually see the real person your would-be greeter was waving to approach the waver, and begin to talk to him or her. At this point, you feel worthless and probably want to kill yourself.
You now have two options: sulk in shame, and resume conversation with your friend who has either left or is now questioning your friendship; or perform the seldom-used Revenge Wave. The Revenge Wave is a slight misnomer as your revenge will be exacted upon some other, unsuspecting victim, but it usually will result in some satisfaction. To perform the Revenge Wave, you start to happily and potentially violently wave at some random person who is at least 50-75 yards away. As they begin to exhibit the signs of falling victim to your bait, you just stop waving, flip them off, and walk away. Feeling satisfied, you can now go home and masturbate.
So you're just standing there, talking to one of your friends between classes, when you notice something out of the corner of your eye.
Somebody is waving to you! Oh, the joy. Do I know this person? Wait, she's hot...do I care if I know her? You begin to smile, and start to raise your hand to wave back. You begin your waving motion. The initial waver continues her potentially flirtatious advance. By now, you have fully committed to waving back at this person. Slightly befuddled by her lack of immediate response, you offer what is always a 100% accurate way of determining whether or not someone is actually waving at you: The Clarification Poke. If you're unfamiliar with this technique, it is a rather simple maneuver that involves you poking yourself in the chest with an inquisitive look on your face, essentially asking, "Am I important enough for you, random person, to be waving at me?"
Clearly the answer is no. The Clarification Poke merely clarifies that you are a pompous moron, and that you just made yourself look like a douchebag. It is always 100% accurate in determining that the person you saw was not waving to you. During The Clarification Poke, you usually see the real person your would-be greeter was waving to approach the waver, and begin to talk to him or her. At this point, you feel worthless and probably want to kill yourself.
You now have two options: sulk in shame, and resume conversation with your friend who has either left or is now questioning your friendship; or perform the seldom-used Revenge Wave. The Revenge Wave is a slight misnomer as your revenge will be exacted upon some other, unsuspecting victim, but it usually will result in some satisfaction. To perform the Revenge Wave, you start to happily and potentially violently wave at some random person who is at least 50-75 yards away. As they begin to exhibit the signs of falling victim to your bait, you just stop waving, flip them off, and walk away. Feeling satisfied, you can now go home and masturbate.
# posted by Joey : 3:29 PM
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