Monday, August 11, 2008
Monday's SUCK
HOW IT'S MADE
How It's Made is easily the worst show on television. It is the epitome of what this blog is all about - something that sucks so badly, it shouldn't even exist.
One thing How It's Made has going for it is its uniqueness. No other show reminds me of "Hot Girl on the Side of the Road Syndrome"; otherwise known as Jailbait Mirage. If you're unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, here's the phenomenon in short: driving along, one notices (from afar) a seemingly hot girl on the road. Interest is sparked. Upon approach, however, what was once a hot, legal girl, now reveals herself to be...
...
...
TWELVE.
Sorry, ladies, if you don't understand what I'm talking about. It's mostly the clothing. For some reason, twelve year old girls in short skirts morph into 19 year old virgin girls with C cups in short skirts from distances of 30 yards or greater.
Anyway, back to the point. How It's Made draws you in to at least get a look at what it offers. Once you see what it offers, however, there are a few reactions (these parallel with the Jailbait Mirage):
Sometimes this happens: NOTHING else is on, so I think "eh, maybe I'll see what's on Discovery. Oh, How It's Made! I hate this show. Whatever, maybe it'll be something cool this time, like AIDS."
"Today, on How It's Made..."
"briefcases" ... "goddamnit, why did I..."
"marbles" ... "is this a joke? The next one better be 'a way to block the Discovery channel when How It's Made is on...'"
"cardboard" ... "alright, fuck this, what's on Oxygen?"
ONE time, just ONE TIME, I want it to be something cool. Not ballpoint pens - thermonuclear bombs. Not cue sticks - particle accelerators. Not dog leashes - the universe, special guest God/The Big Bang.
I've never watched an episode of How It's Made (yes, I have gotten through a few) without hating myself afterward. It really is the worst way to waste a half our of your time. I'd rather spend a half hour testing vice grips with my testicles. After watching it, I wish they'd have shown how to make pipe bombs, so I could blow up myself and my immediate surroundings.
I really, really hate this show.
How It's Made is easily the worst show on television. It is the epitome of what this blog is all about - something that sucks so badly, it shouldn't even exist.
One thing How It's Made has going for it is its uniqueness. No other show reminds me of "Hot Girl on the Side of the Road Syndrome"; otherwise known as Jailbait Mirage. If you're unfamiliar with what I'm talking about, here's the phenomenon in short: driving along, one notices (from afar) a seemingly hot girl on the road. Interest is sparked. Upon approach, however, what was once a hot, legal girl, now reveals herself to be...
...
...
TWELVE.
Sorry, ladies, if you don't understand what I'm talking about. It's mostly the clothing. For some reason, twelve year old girls in short skirts morph into 19 year old virgin girls with C cups in short skirts from distances of 30 yards or greater.
Anyway, back to the point. How It's Made draws you in to at least get a look at what it offers. Once you see what it offers, however, there are a few reactions (these parallel with the Jailbait Mirage):
- Normal person reaction: changes the channel, admits that he was at least slightly intrigued, but once he realized what he was getting into, he got out before it was too late.
- Trouble with managing anger person: turns off the television, proclaiming out loud that he "didn't want to watch TV anyway! TV is for fatasses."
- Crazy/old/pedophile person: watches the entire show, possibly aware of the risks of doing so, and enjoys it. Disgusting.
Sometimes this happens: NOTHING else is on, so I think "eh, maybe I'll see what's on Discovery. Oh, How It's Made! I hate this show. Whatever, maybe it'll be something cool this time, like AIDS."
"Today, on How It's Made..."
"briefcases" ... "goddamnit, why did I..."
"marbles" ... "is this a joke? The next one better be 'a way to block the Discovery channel when How It's Made is on...'"
"cardboard" ... "alright, fuck this, what's on Oxygen?"
ONE time, just ONE TIME, I want it to be something cool. Not ballpoint pens - thermonuclear bombs. Not cue sticks - particle accelerators. Not dog leashes - the universe, special guest God/The Big Bang.
I've never watched an episode of How It's Made (yes, I have gotten through a few) without hating myself afterward. It really is the worst way to waste a half our of your time. I'd rather spend a half hour testing vice grips with my testicles. After watching it, I wish they'd have shown how to make pipe bombs, so I could blow up myself and my immediate surroundings.
I really, really hate this show.
# posted by Joey : 11:26 PM
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